Sunday, 1 February 2009

i have photographs and memories of the times.

"I know I shouldve spend more time.
That was my mistake.
Girl I don't wanna change your mind,
But before you go,
Just know that, I wasn't tryna push you away.
All I ever wanted, was you to stay.
And before you up and leave,
I just need you to see.
Losing you was not a part of the plan,
Know that, I wasn't tryna push you away.
And before you go Just let me say,
I'm sorry I could'nt be that boy.
But please believe,
All I wanted was... all I wanted was to be your man."

Kissing is supposed to be a form of expressing love.
Hugging is a form of appreciation.
Then, does this mean that,
we were just kissing for the sake of kissing, hugging for the sake of hugging lately?

I remember the first time we kissed, was two years back.
It was so long ago but i still can vividly remember how wide your smile was, on the cold bus ride.
We felt that the world consisted only the two of us, and as if we were an item back then.
Why, its a different thing now?

We used to be able to go anywhere in Singapore yet boredom will never ever occur.
Tampines, bedok, Jurong and anywhere, we dated everywhere and we'll be so excited about it.
but lately, we'll always have disagreements on where to go.
and dating starts to be something we dread.

And because of what we went through together before, we always thought that this rship will last, just like this.
We came together, yet didn't manage to fit into each others' lives.
We came, and we changed it.
that should'nt be the case.
why?
why can't we really put our hearts into trying to be together.

Are you willing to spend 5 minutes to think about it?
We are always doing what you wanto do, and not mine.
what time to sleep, what time to wake, where to go and where to eat.
we meet your friends so often compared to meeting my friends, and whereever we did, you will be bored, sian blah blah blah.
and when i wanna meet my friends you'll say i priortise them over you.

im not saying that i've got no faults, just that you didn't thought of what you did before you pin point my faults.
Very often, i find myself having alot of thoughts inside of me whenever we quarrel.
becos i dun have anyone to talk to, i dont seek a listening ear from my friends, these thoughts just accumulate.
Not that i didnt wanto say, just that they will be stashed somewhere deep inside of me whenever we're happy.

life's been boring, mundane.
It's just your house, friends, dota.
Computer is a addiction.
Apparently, we'll rather lose each other than to lose our computers.

however, i do admit that i've changed.
sometimes i just doesnt wana care.
sometimes i just feel frustrated over little nonchalant things you do.
sometimes im petty and angry over irritating actions that you do repeatedly
sometimes im pissed off by how messy and dependant you are on others.
i was never like this..
never felt like this before..
perhaps,i need you to be able to look deep within me and understand how i feel.
I even want you to be me, and i be you, so that we can understand better.
i know it's hard, mayb impossible.
that is why i didn't mention it to you.
but still, i really had put my heart down, to settle down with you.
stability didn't come by i guess.

Maybe it's time...
It's time to say goodbye again.
for this is the only time we can judge, whether this rship is worth keeping.
it's weird, on how i always miss you whenever we're apart while quarreling,
how i wanted you to be here or having myself over at waringinpark right away.
But this... sigh.
if we can never cherish and appreciate one another, mayb it's best we live our lives alone.
mayb we might even feel better being alone than in a rship that is not what you want.

goodnight, i hope you'll feel great tmr.
And i would rather you be happier than me even when this ends.
Glad to have you in a big chapter of my life.
Thanks babe, thanks.

Labels: Like a stain, you stick to my heart.